Jeffery Olsen experienced a profound NDE following a car accident in which his wife and one of their two children died while he was at the wheel. In his book Knowing, he recounts what he experienced and the magnificent path of reconstruction and healing – physical, psychological and spiritual – that he has followed.
How did you love?
As easily as I had ascended to this place of peace, I was gone again. It was only a brief glimpse of something profound, and as I walked away, there was only one question that remained. It wasn’t asked by a voice, but by an energy that reverberated through every cell of my being: ” To what extent have you learned to love? ”
For most of my life, I had avoided people. Now, every person I saw was really my brother or sister. In fact, it went even deeper than that. They were, in a strange sense, me! We were all connected pieces of an immense puzzle of unity.
Then another idea occurred to me. I knew at that moment that any baptism, sacrament or spiritual ceremony is a symbol of who we already are. All these things simply indicate that we are divine spirits, come to Earth to live a human experience.
We are all born of God
We have all been blessed, washed, anointed, chosen and clothed in glory, simply by entering our bodies. Whatever our gender, color, culture, size, weight, shape or belief system, we are all noble and great for having chosen to come and experience life in this realm. We are all glorious and divine simply for being here to play our part in the whole human experience. We are all perfectly connected to everything.
I realized that there is no price to pay to a judgmental God who demands justice. What loving father would punish a child to make up for what other children might do? How could this be the case?
And what I was witnessing had nothing to do with that. It was about love and the emotions of the whole human experience. Jesus, that magnificent soul, had committed himself to literally feeling everything in the depths of his being. Experience is the only way to truly know something. It wasn’t about sin, but about connection, pure empathy and compassion. How else can you know? And when you know, judgments and comparisons just seem to disappear. Only love and compassion remain.
A new courage invaded my heart: if Jesus knew, on a very personal level, what I was going through and what I, Jeffery, had felt in losing my wife and son, then I was not alone. He knew perfectly well my pain, in my body and in my mind. He, too, had lost and suffered. He begged for the bitter cup to pass from him, but he accepted his life and experiences with the gentleness of a child.
A new look at his life
I now had a new perspective from which to do the same. Otherwise, I risked rejecting the gift my life had to offer. To experience is to feel. And to feel is to know. And to know is to have compassion, even divine compassion. So why should I deprive myself of this opportunity?
What if the hand of God had played a role in my ordeal? What if this madness had a purpose? What if this is what I came to earth to experience? Would it allow me to grow and learn things I couldn’t learn any other way? These questions struck me. I had been sent back to this life to learn something. I, too, had to rise again. I had the opportunity to be made more whole by what I had come here to experience.
Stop “why?”
Why me? Why now? Why did I lose both members of my family? Why did Spencer and I survive? Couldn’t we have left together? Why did I have to be so banged up? If I had to go through this life without Tamara and Griffin, couldn’t I at least be physically whole? Why did I have to lose my leg and maybe the use of my right arm? Why did God allow this? Why, why, why?
I eventually learned not to ask questions about why. There are no simple answers to these questions. I had to discipline my mind to ask more “what” and “how” questions. What was I supposed to learn from all this? How could I apply what I’d learned to become a better person and a better father? How could I help others?
By remaining quiet and accepting what I received rather than thinking about what I might say, I found peace and answers.
I discovered that much of my pain could be swallowed up in kindness to others. By taking a sincere interest in problems other than my own and investing in someone else, my problems actually diminished.
A moving moment of love with his son and God
[During another NDE, he finds his son who died in the accident and takes him in his arms]. I felt a presence moving behind us. The feelings emanating from it were so powerful, so cosmic, so wise, so eternal and yet so loving and personal. It startled me. I knew I was in the presence of God. I didn’t dare turn around to look. I just stood there, holding my son, absorbing the intense energy of that moment.
Then I became afraid. I had grown up believing that God would judge me. For me, life was a test, and I felt like I was failing. I hope I’m forgiven, I thought as I held my little boy in my arms, knowing he had died while I was driving. I hugged Griffin tighter as I thought about forgiveness, and felt light and love wash over me. “There’s nothing to forgive ,”resonated in every fiber of my soul as the being behind me drew even closer. This soul had so much light, love and power. Yet I didn’t turn around. I just stood there holding Griffin and feeling this infinite, eternal, unconditional love, devoid of all judgment. It was as real as the love I felt for my own little boy, in my arms.
Slowly, this magnificent, divine being approached us so close that I could feel the light emanating from his source and surrounding us. His wisdom was boundless. Every cell in my body was filled with truth and knowledge, beyond anything I’d ever known before.
A divine embrace
As I hugged Griffin tighter, this magnificent being wrapped his divine arms around us and took us in his arms. I stood there, holding my son and embraced by this deity. The magnificent soul spoke in my ear, and even though it was a whisper, it was powerful. Not only did I hear it, I felt it in my whole being. I don’t have the words to write down what was said to me, and I couldn’t do them justice.
I learned more in that brief encounter than I could have been taught in several lifetimes. Yet I didn’t feel like I was learning, butrather remembering. I knew it as it flowed through me. I saw purpose in every event of my life. I saw that every circumstance had been divinely planned for my learning and development. I realized that I had in fact participated in the creation of every experience in my life.
I knew Ihad come to this earth for one reason only, and that was tolearn to love unconditionally. Everything that had happened to me had been a loving step in the process of my progression. Every person, every circumstance and every incident had been tailor-made for me, by me. It was as if the whole universe existed for my greater good and development.
Melted into God
As I began to understand, I felt like Griffin was melting into me and I was melting into God. I felt loved, pampered and honored. I realized that not only was I embraced by divinity, I was divine myself. I knew instantly that we all were. I knew there were no accidents in this life and that everything happens for a reason.
But I also felt the reality that I could choose how I would experience what was happening to me. Free will became the anthem of this moment and of eternity, as if choice were the only cosmic law. As we merged further, I felt like I was expanding and becoming everything that had ever existed.
I was Love, I was God
Not only was I experiencing love, I was Love. Not only was I experiencing God, I was God. Not only was I at the center of the universe, I was the universe. I felt as if the whole “thing” had come together to honor my little life, my choices, my existence and my journey.
I couldn’t help asking the question, “Who am I that the whole universe should care?”. At that moment, the words “I am what I am” resonated in my heart. The words ” I am you and you are me: we are one “, vibrated in my soul.
Is this why the Master we call Jesus said, “If you have seen me, you have seen the Father”? Did he simply realize his own divinity in the cosmic way I now see the divinity not only of myself, but of all humanity? Are we all collectively and individually God, or cells in the great body of all that exists and ever will exist?
As these deep questions poured into my soul, I already knew the answers. I realized that I could exercise my will in all things, even my feelings about the death of my family members. God didn’t want me to suffer and feel humiliated as if my son and wife had been taken from me. He was simply there to help me choose how I was going to live it.
Life is a gift
He gave me the opportunity, in perfect love, to exercise my freedom in this situation. Life wasn’t a test: it was a gift! What I had believed for so long was suddenly turned on its head in a magnificent way. Every moment of my existence wassacred, and every moment was an opportunity to choose,create andexperiment. I knew my wife and son were gone. They had died months earlier, but time didn’t exist where I was at the time. Rather than snatching them from me, I had the opportunity to hand them over to God and let them go in peace, love and gratitude.
Everything suddenly made sense, because it was all ordained by God. I could honor our lives together, however short, rather than mourn their deaths. For there is no death. Everything here is alive, forever. I felt my power as creator and co-creator with God to literally let go of everything that had happened to me. I slowly merged with what I can only call “oneness” and began to return to the three separate entities we were at the start: me, holding my son, and God, who was holding us both in his arms.
We are Love
Time didn’t matter. Only love existed. Tamara and Griffin had come into my life as perfect teachers. By leaving me in this way, they continued to be perfect teachers. They led me to remember that I am divine and that I am the pure love from which I came.
I felt the divine energy of the being behind me inviting me to let go and give Griffin back. In that perfect peace and knowledge, I hugged my little boy one last time, kissed him on the cheek and gently placed him in his crib. I gave him up willingly because I knew no one would ever take him away from me again. He was mine, we were one, and I was one with God.
There are no mistakes
I had seen what I considered mistakes.In these divine arms, I knew there were no mistakes, only opportunities to learn. I decided how I felt, and that made all the difference. Even in this tragedy, I determined the outcome. I could choose to be a victim of what had happened, or to take something far greater from it.
I poured out my heart to God, without asking or even expecting anything. I was content to let my soul flow to the only ear that could understand everything. When I finally shed all the tears I had left and became silent, a strange thing happened. I don’t often hear voices, but I heard this one, and it was composed of the same energy as the voice that whispered in my ears when I held Griffin in that other realm. It wasn’t a harsh voice, but the loving voice of a father who knew me perfectly.
Choose joy!
He only said two words, but they were strong and clear. He simply said, ” Choose joy!” It was a simple request, and again, it all depended on my choice. The joy was there, if only I decided to see it and grasp it. The universe gave me that option. I didn’t know all of life’s challenges, but I always had the option to choose how I was going to face them.
[In another experience, he feels the presence of his wife Tamara, who died in the accident. This happens as he has fallen in love with another woman, Tonya, and wonders if he has the “right” to love and marry her].
Warmth washed over me. My whole body felt like it was vibrating, and everything around me became crystal clear. Warmth penetrated my shoulders and neck. A familiar energy settled between my shoulder blades, and I knew Tamara was there with me. I felt her love and spirit, as if she’d walked behind me. I turned toward her and saw nothing. When I reached out to touch her, I felt nothing. But I knew she was there.
Unconditional love is our goal
I could never forget her touch and the feeling Tamara brought with her whenever she was near me. I struggled to stand up and felt as if she was holding me in her arms. The experience was so real it was undeniable. I felt her arms around my neck and her body close to mine, even though I couldn’t see her. Pure intelligence rushed into my heart. Her voice spoke to me in the same tone as when she was alive. “My Jeff, you silly goose,” Tamara said lovingly. “You can choose who you want. My deepest desire is that you be happy and not alone. Your joy is my joy, and your pain is my pain. We are bound by death, but know this: I sent Tonya to you. That’s why you felt all the feelings you did. They were all messages from me. I can do it from here. It’s not only my right, it’s my privilege. There is only wisdom and love here. Not jealousy, judgment or possession. I wanted you to learn this, so I sent you Tonya. She’ll teach you about unconditional love. And despite everything you’ve been through and learned, that’s the one thing you still need to work on: unconditional love.”
How much did you love?
Hearing his words, my surroundings seemed to disappear and I found myself in a magical realm of light. I saw the vivid image of a small pebble hitting a smooth surface of water, as if it were right in front of me. The ripples stretched out in eternal waves. “See what you have the opportunity to create here? Tamara whispered to me. She repeated the same phrase I’d heard just after our accident, when my spirit had left my body for a brief moment: “Howfar have you learned to love? ”
Choose joy – again and again
I stood there, feeling the sun on my face, and let the tears flow freely down my chest. “Stay with me, Tam. I want you here.” ” Choose joy,” she reminded me, as I’d been told before. I felt her leave. “Don’t go,” I begged her. “Please!” But the reality of her leaving reinforced the fact that she had literally been with me. I had an answer.
The words “choose joy” echoed in my heart. These words had been given to me during one of the darkest nights of my soul. I cried out to God and asked him why all this had happened to me and how I was going to get through it. The answer was: “choose joy”, and that’s still the case today.
I knew my next step. I decided to love Tonya, without shame or guilt. She was what I wanted, and I had received so much spiritual guidance. I knew she was a gift from heaven. The bottom line was clear: I had fallen in love with her. It was no more complicated than that. Love was reason enough to let down my walls and finally start choosing joy.
We are children of the divine
[After seeing Jesus, Gandhi and Moses in a dream] it wasn’t their religion that gave them power. Their power came from knowing who they were: children of the divine, divine beings. I realized that with this knowledge, they lived and loved in a divine way, and that I could do the same. These three distinct people, from different cultures and theologies, were unified in their way of loving and in their knowledge of their divine link with our divine source.
To find out more, visit Jeffery Olsen’s website
And one of his YouTube interviews
See also the article on NDE by Anita Moorjani
And the one on Mary C. Neal’s NDE
