People at the very end of life often seem to have some kind of privileged connection with the Beyond, God, Source, Creation. They have one foot in heaven and one on earth. When we approach death and are about to return to Source, our thoughts and words are then connected to this dimensional shift. Lisa Smartt has studied in detail the last words of dying people. Here are some excerpts from her book “Words at the Threshold”
The big questions
I asked religious representatives and nursing staff at palliative care centers what questions were most frequently asked at the end of life. They all told me that the recurring question was: “What if heaven and God don’t exist? They were also asked, “What’s going to happen to me in the next few days? What’s going to happen after I die? Does God really exist? Will I go to heaven?”
No matter who we are or how we’ve lived our lives, we all need to be able to ask these big questions and find our own answers. A pastor who accompanies prisoners on death row recounts: “One of the first people I accompanied was a grumpy old Texan. He was sitting in the corner of his cell, staring at the ceiling as many people do when they’re about to die. It was as if the heavens had opened and he seemed to see something infinitely vast. His eyes suddenly widened and his aged expression transformed. Eyes raised to the ceiling, he stammered, “God is… bigger… bigger than anything I could hope or imagine,” as big tears streamed down his face. I could have sworn he was seeing heaven when he said that!”
An often positive experience
There’s a difference between the dying and the sick – and you can see it in their eyes. When people are sick and have a high temperature, they can see things. But there’s often an underlying fear, because they don’t understand.
Whereas with people at the end of life, it’s like a process. A process that takes people to a different level. The end-of-life experience is often a positive one for the person. The things they see, the changes they go through: it’s like a journey. However, it’s clear that not everyone heads for the end of life with peace of mind. Some die having never made their peace, nor completely resolved their problems while they were alive, which would have made for a peaceful transition.
To die as we have lived
Many people die the way they lived. If they were permanently in control and had difficulty showing their emotions to family and friends, they seem to resist more. Many have unresolved issues with their partners or children, or even with their own lives. They make incredible efforts to resist the fact that they are dying, and very rarely have these visions, which often bring relief and comfort.
Gathering pearls of wisdom
Pearls of wisdom can emerge when we listen carefully to the last words of the dying and put them down in writing. The process of transcribing can help us feel closer to those we love, even closer to Source. Often, people at the end of life say things that seem completely absurd at the time. However, months or years later, you may find in these words premonitory clues or answers to your questions.
Listening to and honoring the last words of our loved ones can make the transition process easier. Writing them down can also be healing for you. Keep a journal of the words and phrases you hear. Remember that words that seem to have no meaning are just as important as those that do.
Note the metaphors, symbols, paradoxical phrases and repetitions uttered by your loved one. Are there repetitions of colors or shapes? References to people or places you can’t see? At first, the meanings may not be clear to you. But as you transcribe the words you’ve heard, you’ll find comforting and healing associations.
Let yourself be moved
What may seem meaningless to a stranger may hold deep personal significance for you. Certain words can be reminiscent of dreams. We can learn so much by meditating on them and freely associating ourselves with them. Write these words down in your journal and identify with them. Imagine that these words are those of an oracle, or words of wisdom passed on to you, as can be the case through dreams. Observe the images and thoughts they evoke. You may be surprised and moved by what manifests itself.
End-of-life language opens the way to a deeper spiritual understanding of life and death – and can help us develop a deeper connection with our loved ones. Every word we transcribe is an invitation to communicate with the spirit of our loved ones during their transition.
Travel rather than combat
Many practitioners in the medical field use the metaphor of combat: “Fighting disease and conquering it”. This metaphor inevitably leads us to perceive death as a failure. If, on the other hand, we use the metaphor of the journey, then each step along the way offers an opportunity for growth, resolution and personal exploration. For example, talking about death as a journey rather than a struggle allows us to see a transition process where it’s more about exploration and discovery than defeat.
The metaphor of the journey is an essential element in the language of people at the end of life. People say they have reached the end of their journey and, in some cases, are off on another. Dreams of journeys are frequent, often transforming the fear of dying into a sense of adventure or wonder.
Wonder at the end of life
“It’s such a beautiful place, it shines like diamonds, Mommy, oh my God, Mommy, it’s so beautiful!” explained a dying child to his mother. Steve Jobs’ last words were along the same lines: “Wow, wow, wow! We can only imagine what inspired this exclamation of wonder. Perhaps his perception expanded to embrace the same magnificent landscape that had prompted Thomas Edison to awaken from his coma, open his eyes, look up and exclaim, “It’s beautiful out there!”
Exclamations of wonder occur frequently in people at the end of life, often referring to a place not visible to the living.
Life is worth mourning
Cari Rush Willis has been present at the bedside of nearly two hundred people at the end of life, some of them on death row. She confides, “I always say that people at the end of their lives have one foot in heaven and one foot on earth. Guys who are dying can see things that are impossible for me to see. To deny their reality is a huge mistake. It’s essential that anyone sitting at the bedside of a dying person be willing to hear and validate what’s real to them. Sometimes I cry with the guys in the prison palliative care units. I’ve given up everything I’ve learned about not crying. I believe a life is worth crying over. Most of them didn’t have anyone to mourn theirs.
A pastor told me the story of someone who, at the end of her life, started talking about the big dance she was preparing for. She asked for a piece of paper to write down the names of the participants. Her son, who was also present, asked to see the list, curious to know what his mother had in mind. All those whose names were listed were deceased family members and friends. Mixing the metaphor of dance with practical reality – her need for pen and paper – this woman was getting ready to leave.
Many visitors
Dying people talk about all kinds of visitors. Here are a few representative examples: “Who are all those people over there?” “There are so many people here. I don’t have time to talk to all these people.” “My father died on a Friday morning. The Wednesday before, he spent all his time talking, sometimes out loud and sometimes mumbling, addressing people he’d known throughout his life. It was the most incredible thing I’ve ever experienced.”
Visions of crowds have also been reported by children, and are likely to comfort their parents in the most tragic of circumstances. A young mother confides her daughter’s last words: “I was 28 and had a wonderful daughter aged 6 1/2, very ill, suffering from fibrosarcoma of the jaw. It had developed into a huge tumor on the outside of her beautiful face and another relatively large tumor inside her mouth. She woke up at 6:30 a.m. on a Monday morning, and I noticed that her little fingernails were blue. I knew the end was near. I took her into the kitchen and gave her a fresh orange juice, which she loved. Then I walked around the table and leaned against the sink to watch her drink her juice.
Who are all these people?
All of a sudden, she looked at me, pointing beside me, and asked, “Who are all those people there, Mom?” At first I thought I’d misheard her, so I asked her what she’d just said. She repeated: “Who are all these people, Mommy?” And I understood that “they” had come to help her leave (no, I’m not religious, or spiritual, if you prefer). I rounded the kitchen table again to take her in my arms. She spasmed and fell into a coma from which she never came back. She died in the local hospital a few hours later. I’ll never forget that moment, never… it brought me a little peace”.
Often a loved one
While people at the end of life often report seeing a group of people, they most often identify a particular loved one, usually a family member who has come to take them “home” or take them somewhere.
“It was as if my father was talking to my mother – who had died ten years earlier – on the phone, and I could only hear his side of the conversation. He was so enthusiastic and happy that it was hard to believe it was just his imagination. Something very real seemed to be happening.
The joy of reunion
Reunions are often joyous. Not only do they comfort those who are dying, but they can also reassure loved ones. Although these “visitors who have come to take us away” remain invisible to us, they are very much alive to those who see them. “Can’t you see him there? There he is!” exclaimed a 68-year-old woman to her daughter, pointing to the young woman’s father, who had died ten years earlier.
“Mommy’s here, I have to go now” is also a phrase I’ve often heard. Here are some other examples I’ve recorded. “I was in the other room and I could hear my mother talking non-stop. I went over to her and asked who she was talking to. “I’m talking to your father!” she said. My father had died eight years earlier. She seemed so happy. “I feel so much calmer now,” she told me, “I feel much better now.” ”
“My mother was talking to my stepfather who had passed away a few years earlier. Then she told me how much better she felt now that she had seen him.” “A member of my family had suffered cardiac arrest and survived for some time. She recounted seeing her father, our grandmother, and our aunts, who were all there waiting for her. She said she remembered explaining to them that she wasn’t ready, but that she missed them and loved them.”
Listen with all your heart
If you hear your loved one talking about a friend or family member who has died, ask questions and be fully present. For it may be a sign that their death is near, as in the following example. “It started when my mother told me about a young girl who was dying who had visions of angels and deceased relatives on her deathbed. The girl talked to them for a while. Then she told the people at her bedside not to worry about her, that she had to go now. And she did.”
Here’s an account of a vision prior to the death of comedian Sam Kinison, after a head-on collision in 2009. Carl LaBove, Kinison’s best friend, was riding in a van behind him when the accident occurred. The story appeared in several newspapers: “At first, Kinison appeared to have suffered no serious injury. But after a few minutes, without addressing anyone in particular, he said, ‘I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die.” Later, LaBove would explain, “It was like he was talking to an invisible person. Then he paused as if listening to the other person speak. And he asked her, “But why?” and after another pause, I clearly heard him say, “Okay, okay, okay.” The last “okay” was so soft and peaceful… Whatever that voice was talking to him, it must have given him a very accurate answer, because Sam calmed down completely. He said ‘okay’ in a very tender way, as if he were talking to someone very dear to him”.
The angels are present
One of the many phrases that got me interested in last words at the end of life was one my atheist father said shortly before he died: “The angel said, ‘Enough… That’s enough… Enough… Enough… No one is to blame… Go now…'”. These words were spoken by a man who never talked about angels. He even derided the idea and firmly believed that there was nothing after death.
However, three days later, as the angels had told him, “enough was enough” and my father died. How is it that my father, such a skeptical man, saw angels? How did he know he was going to die three days later?
Religious figures too
While visions of people who have already died are those most commonly mentioned in testimonials and transcripts, some also refer to angels and religious figures. One person, for example, reported, “My grandmother, who was very religious, told me she saw a coach full of angels, and they were about to open the door.”
Another person recounted how a dying woman had described Jesus in such detail that it sent shivers down her spine.
A retired nurse who had worked in palliative care testified to the last moments of one of her patients: “I was raising him in his medical bed so that he could breathe better. He looked up at the ceiling and said, “Can you see them?” I replied, “No, sir. Tell me what you see.” He raised his right arm pointing upward, “There are angels all the way to the right, and over there to the left. I have to go now.” He called to his wife, who was crying in the kitchen. “Carol, I have to go now. I love you, Carol. I’ll see you again.” Then he raised his right arm toward the ceiling again, saying, “My Lord, my God!” And he slumped against me. He was gone.”
Magnificent music
In the stories some people have shared with me, there are also descriptions of beautiful music and sounds. “My mother told me there was music: “It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard.” I told her it must be angels. I had a sad feeling that we were sharing our last moment together in this life. I saw her face light up, as if attracted by the music she was hearing. I felt the impulse to tell her that I was fine and that everyone was fine, and to give her permission to leave. As I left her that evening, I turned around. I saw her straighten up in bed and wave goodbye. She died that night. Eighteen years have gone by, and I still have tears in my eyes when I think back on it.
“My mother was in palliative care. During my visit, she was very talkative and mentally stable. At one point, she suddenly stopped talking, stared at the corner of the room, and asked me, “Can you hear this music? It’s so beautiful!” I replied, “No, Mom, I can’t hear it. What are you talking about?”
Sunset day
An inner voice seems to emerge with brilliant clarity in the window of time before death, which caregivers call “sunset day”, and researchers “terminal lucidity”. Sunset day usually occurs a few days before a person dies. For a few moments, or even a whole day, it offers a sudden burst of lucidity and vitality, as well as a more energetic appearance.
This testimony sums up what I’ve often heard people say: “In the days leading up to his death, he became luminous. His face brightened and his eyes lit up.” The expression “the day the sun set” is used because this renewed lucidity before dying recalls the sun’s luminous rays flooding the sky just as it is about to set over the horizon.
Terminal lucidity
Several of the people I interviewed told me they had been at the bedside of a loved one who was no longer reacting or communicating, and who, just before dying, had sat up and seemed fully aware of what was going on in the room and the people in it.
“My mother had been in a coma for three weeks. One day she opened her eyes; she looked at me and said, “Tell everyone I’m fine and that I love them.” She died about five hours later.
Jordan White explains his amazement at his mother’s consistency a few days before her death, when she began talking about the files in the office that contained all the family’s financial information. Her Alzheimer’s disease had led to nerve cell death and loss of brain tissue. Her brain had shrunk considerably over time, affecting almost all her functions. Knowing this, he wondered if his mother’s defective brain was really behind those last words she had spoken so lucidly. Who or what had spoken to her with kindness to tell her where the files were, when she hadn’t spoken lucidly for so many years?
Only love
Of all the people I interviewed about the day of the sunset, no one reported any harsh or malicious stories or words spoken during this moment of renewed lucidity. Most stories mention last wishes, such as a craving for a favorite food, a need for last-minute reconciliation, or to declare one’s love. Even among those who had never uttered such words in their lives.
Terminal lucidity occurs even when the patient’s speech center has been destroyed, and some dying people have even regained mobility where they no longer had any. This is a remarkable area of medicine that has been little studied, although many anecdotes have been collected over time. These stories may suggest a fundamental distinction between the brain, which obviously dies, and the “self” – the user of the brain – which may not.
The dead speak to us
Many of the people I interviewed told me they knew their deceased loved ones were still with them. These testimonials were brought to me by people from all walks of life who felt that after-death communication lifted their spirits and nurtured a deeper connection with the Divine and their loved ones.
If such communications were only the result of the imagination, would they have such a capacity to console us, to uplift us and to offer us such profound perception and wisdom? And would we observe so many synchronicities and shared experiences miles and hours apart?
When you find yourself at the bedside of a dying person, open your heart. Remember that listening is healing. By listening carefully, you’ll discover that your loved one can offer you comfort and insight – even if his or her words may, at first, seem confusing.
People at the end of life need us to be exceptional listeners in order to feel understood. The language of the dying is much more understandable when we listen from the depths of our hearts. Their every word is sacred and should be received as a gift.
To find out more, visit the Final Words Project website, created by Lisa Smartt
On the same theme, you can also see the article Light at the end of life, the one on end-of-life experiences or the article on Sylvie Cafardy’s book and her work with people at the end of life.
